〃all right；〃 he said； getting to his feet； holding his daemon close to his breast。 〃then well have to； one of us will have to； ill e to your world and。。。〃
she knew what he was going to say； and she saw him holding the beautiful； healthy daemon he hadnt even begun to know； and she thought of his mother； and she knew that he was thinking of her； too。 to abandon her and live with lyra； even for the few years theyd have together； could he do that？ he might be living with lyra； but she knew he wouldnt be able to live with himself。
〃no；〃 she cried； jumping up beside him； and kirjava joined pantalaimon on the sand as boy and girl clung together desperately。 〃ill do it； will！ well e to your world and live there！ it doesnt matter if we get ill； me and pan； were strong； i bet we last a good long time； and there are probably good doctors in your world； dr。 malone would know！ oh； lets do that！〃
he was shaking his head； and she saw the brilliance of tears on his cheeks。
〃dyou think i could bear that； lyra？〃 he said。 〃dyou think i could live happily watching you get sick and ill and fade away and then die； while i was getting stronger and more grown…up day by day？ ten years。。。 thats nothing。 itd pass in a flash。 wed be in our twenties。 its not that far ahead。 think of that； lyra； you and me grown up； just preparing to do all the things we want to do； and then。。。 it all es to an end。 do you think i could bear to live on after you died？ oh； lyra； id follow you down to the world of the dead without thinking twice about it； just like you followed roger； and that would be two lives gone for nothing； my life wasted like yours。 no； we should spend our whole lifetimes together； good； long； busy lives； and if we cant spend them together； we。。。 well have to spend them apart。〃
biting her lip； she watched him as he walked up and down in his distracted anguish。
he stopped and turned； and went on： 〃dyou remember another thing he said； my father？ he said we have to build the republic of heaven where we are。 he said that for us there isnt any elsewhere。 thats what he meant； i can see now。 oh； its too bitter。 i thought he just meant lord asriel and his new world； but he meant us； he meant you and me。 we have to live in our own worlds。。。〃
〃im going to ask the alethiometer；〃 lyra said。 〃thatll know！ i dont know why i didnt think of it before。〃
she sat down； wiping her cheeks with the palm of one hand and reaching for the rucksack with the other。 she carried it everywhere； when will thought of her in later years； it was often with that little bag over her shoulder。 she tucked the hair behind her ears in the swift movement he loved and took out the black velvet bundle。
〃can you see？〃 he said； for although the moon was bright； the symbols around the face were very small。
〃i know where they all are；〃 she said； 〃i got it off by heart。 hush now。。。 〃
she crossed her legs； pulling the skirt over them to make a lap。 will lay on one elbow and watched。 the bright moonlight； reflected off the white sand； lit up her face with a radiance that seemed to draw out some other radiance from inside her； her eyes glittered； and her expression was so serious and absorbed that will could have fallen in love with her again if love didnt already possess every fiber of his being。
lyra took a deep breath and began to turn the wheels。 but after only a few moments； she stopped and turned the instrument around。
〃wrong place；〃 she said briefly； and tried again。
will； watching； saw her beloved face clearly。 and because he knew it so well； and hed studied her expression in happiness and despair and hope and sorrow； he could tell that something was wrong； for there was no sign of the clear concentration she used to sink into so quickly。 instead； an unhappy bewilderment spread gradually over her： she bit her lower lip； she blinked more and more； and her eyes moved slowly from symbol to symbol； almost at random； instead of darting swiftly and certainly。
〃i dont know；〃 she said； shaking her head； 〃i dont know whats happening。。。 i know it so well； but i cant seem to see what it means。。。〃
she took a deep； shuddering breath and turned the instrument around。 it looked strange and awkward in her hands。 pantalaimon； mouse…formed； crept into her lap and rested his black paws on the crystal； peering at one symbol after another。 lyra turned one wheel； turned another； turned the whole thing around； and then looked up at will； stricken。
〃oh； will；〃 she cried； 〃i cant do it！ its left me！〃
〃hush；〃 he said； 〃dont fret。 its still there inside you； all that knowledge。 just be calm and let yourself find it。 dont force it。 just sort of float down to touch it。。。〃
she gulped and nodded and angrily brushed her wrist across her eyes； and took several deep breaths； but he could see she was too tense； and he put his hands on her shoulders and then felt her trembling and hugged her tight。 she pulled back and tried again。 once more she gazed at the symbols； once more she turned the wheels； but those invisible ladders of meaning down which shed stepped with such ease and confidence werent there。 she just didnt know what any of the symbols meant。
she turned away and clung to will and said desperately：
〃its no good； i can tell； its gone forever； it just came when i needed it； for all the things i had to do； for rescuing roger； and then for us two； and now that its over； now that everythings finished； its just left me。。。 its gone； will！ ive lost it！ itll never e back！〃
she sobbed with desperate abandon。 all he could do was hold her。 he didnt know how to fort her； because it was plain that she was right。
then both the daemons bristled and looked up。 will and lyra sensed it； too； and followed their eyes to the sky。 a light was moving toward them： a light with wings。
〃its the angel we saw；〃 said pantalaimon； guessing。
he guessed correctly。 as the boy and the girl and the two daemons watched her approach； xaphania spread her wings wider and glided down to the sand。 will； for all the time hed spent in the pany of balthamos； wasnt prepared for the strangeness of this encounter。 he and lyra held each others hands
tightly as the angel came toward them； with the light of another world shining on her。 she was unclothed； but that meant nothing。 what clothes could an angel wear anyway？ lyra thought。 it was impossible to tell if she was old or young； but her expression was austere and passionate； and both will and lyra felt as if she knew them to their hearts。
〃will；〃 she said； 〃i have e to ask your help。〃
〃my help？ how can i help you？〃
〃i want you to show me how to close the openings that the knife makes。〃
will swallowed。 〃ill show you；〃 he said； 〃and in return； can you help us？〃
〃not in the way you want。 i can see what youve been talking about。 your sorrow has left traces in the air。 this is no fort； but believe me； every single being who knows of your dilemma wishes things could be otherwise； but there are fates that even the most powerful have to submit to。 there is nothing i can do to help you change the way things are。〃
〃why。。。” lyra began； and found her voice weak and trembling； 〃why cant i read the alethiometer anymore？ why cant i even do that？ that was the one thing i could do really well； and its just not there anymore； it just vanished as if it had never e。。。〃
〃you read it by grace；〃 said xaphania； looking at her； 〃and you can regain it by work。〃
〃how long will that take？〃
〃a lifetime。〃
〃that long。。。〃
〃but your reading will be even better then； after a lifetime of thought and effort； because it will e from conscious understanding。 grace attained like that is deeper and fuller than grace that es freely； and furthermore； once youve gained it； it will never leave you。〃
〃you mean a full lifetime； dont you？〃 lyra whispered。 〃a whole long life？ not。。。 not just。。。 a few years。。。〃
〃yes； i do；〃 said the angel。
〃and must all the windows be closed？〃 said will。 〃every single one ？〃
〃understand this；〃 said xaphania： 〃dust is not a constant。 theres not a fixed quantity that has always been the same。 conscious beings make dust； they renew it all the time； by thinking and feeling and reflecting； by gaining wisdom and passing it on。
〃and if you help everyone else in your worlds to do that； by helping them to learn and understand about themselves and each other and the way everything works； and by showing them how to be kind instead of cruel； and patient instead of hasty； and cheerful instead of surly； and above all how to keep their minds open and free and curious。。。 then they will renew enough to replace what is lost through one window。 so there could be one left open。〃
will trembled with excitement； and his mind leapt to a single point： to a new window in the air between his world and lyras。 and it would be their secret； and they could go through whenever they chose； and live for a while in each others worlds； not living fully in either； so their daemons would keep their health； and they could grow up together and maybe； much later on； they might have children； who would be secret citizens of two worlds； and they could bring all the learning of one world into the other； they could do all kinds of good。。。
but lyra was shaki