安妮日记- 第38部分

its　really　scary；　since　we　dont　know　whether　the　burglar　will　take　it　into　his　head　to　try　and　get　in　again。　or　was　he　so　startled　when　he　heard　someone　else　in　the　building　that　hell　stay　away？

yours；　anne　

p。s。　wed　be　delighted　if　you　could　hunt　up　a　good　detective　for　us。　obviously；　theres　one　condotion：　he　must　be　relied　upon　not　to　mform　on　people　in　hiding。

thursday；　march　2；　1944

dearest　kitty；

margot　and　i　were　in　the　attic　together　today。　i　cant　enjoy　being　there　with　her　the　way　i　imagine　itd　be　with　peter　（or　someone　else）。　i　know　she　feels　the　same　about　most　things　as　i　do！

while　doing　the　dishes；　bep　began　talking　to　mother　and　mrs。　van　daan　about　how　discouraged　she　gets。　what　help　did　those　two　offer　her？　our　tactless　mother；　especially；　only　made　things　go　from　bad　to　worse。　do　you　know　what　her　advice　was？　that　she　should　think　about　all　the　other　people　in　the　world　who　are　suffering！

how　can　thinking　about　the　misery　of　others　help　if　youre　miserable　yourself？　i　said　as　much。　their　response；　of　course；　was　that　i　should　stay　out　of　conversations　of　this　sort。

the　grown…ups　are　such　idiots！　as　if　peter；　margot；　bep　and　i　didnt　all　have　the　same　feelings。　the　only　thing　that　helps　is　a　mothers　love；　or　that　of　a　very；　very　close　friend。　but　these　two　mothers　dont　understand　the　first　thing　about　us！　perhaps

mrs。　van　daan　does；　a　bit　more　than　mother。　oh；　i　wish　i　could　have　said　something　to　poor　bep；　something　that　i　know　from　my　own　experience　would　have　helped。　but　father　came　between　us；　pushing　me　roughly　aside。　theyre　all　so　stupid！

i　also　talked　to　margot　about　father　and　mother；　about　how　nice　it　could　be　here　if　they　werent　so　aggravating。　wed　be　able　to　organize　evenings　in　which　everyone　could　take　turns　discussing　a　given　subject。　but　weve　already　been　through　all　that。

its　impossible　for　me　to　talk　here！　mr。　van　daan　goes　on　the　offensive；　mother　i　gets　sarcastic　and　cant　say　anythina　in　a　normal　voice；　father　doesnt　feel　like　taking　part；　nor　does　mr。　dussel；　and　mrs。　van　d。　is　attacked　so　often　that　she　just　sits　there　with　a　red　face；　hardly　able　to　put　up　a　fight　anymore。　and　what　about　us？　we　arent　allowed　to　have　an　opinion！　my；　my；　arent　they　progressive！　not　have　an　opinion！

people　can　tell　you　to　shut　up；　but　they　cant　keep　you　from　having　an　opinion。　you　cant　forbid　someone　to　have　an　opinion；　no　matter　how　young　they　are！　the　only　thing　that　would　help　bep；　margot；　peter　and　me　would　be　great　love　and　devotion；　which　we　dont　get　here。　and　no　one；　especially　not　the　idiotic　sages　around　here；　is　capable　of　understanding　us；　since　were　more　sensitive　and　much　more　advanced　in　our　thinking　than　any　of　them　ever　suspect！

love；　what　is　love？　i　dont　think　you　can　really　put　it　into　words。　love　is　understanding　someone；　caring　for　him；　sharing　his　joys　and　sorrows。　this　eventually　includes　physical　love。　youve　shared　something；　given　something　away　and　received　something　in　return；　whether　or　not　youre　married；　whether　or　not　you　have　a　baby。

losing　your　virtue　doesnt　matter；　as　long　as　you　know　that　for　as　long　as　you　live　youll　have　someone　at　your　side　who　understands　you；　and　who　doesnt　have　to　be　shared　with　anyone　else！

yours；　anne　

m。　frank

at　the　moment；　mothers　grouching　at　me　again；　shes　clearly　jealous　because　i　talk　to　mrs。　van　daan　more　than　to　her。　what　do　i　care！

i　managed　to　get　hold　of　peter　this　afternoon；　and　we　talked　for　at　least　forty…five　minutes。　he　wanted　to　tell　me　something　about　himself；　but　didnt　find　it　easy。　he　finally　got　it　out；　though　it　took　a　long　time。　i　honestly　didnt　know　whether　it　was　better　for　me　to　stay　or　to　go。　but　i　wanted　so　much　to　help　him！　i　told　him　about　bep　and　how　tactless　our　mothers　are。　he　told　me　that　his　parents　fight　constantly；　about　politics　and　cigarettes　and　all　kinds　of　things。　as　ive　told　you　before；　peters　very　shy；　but　not　too　shy　to　admit　that　hed　be　perfectly　happy　not　to　see　his　parents　for　a　year　or　two。　〃my　father　isnt　as　nice　as　he　looks；〃　he　said。　〃but　in　the　matter　of　the　cigarettes；　mothers　absolutely　right。〃

i　also　told　him　about　my　mother。　but　he　came　to　fathers　defense。　he　thought　he　was　a　〃terrific　guy。”

tonight　when　i　was　hanging　up　my　apron　after　doing　the　dishes；　he　called　me　over　and　asked　me　not　to　say　anything　downstairs　about　his　parents　having　had　another　argument　and　not　being　on　speaking　terms。　i　promised；　though　id　already　told　margot。

but　im　sure　margot　wont　pass　it　on。

〃oh　no；　peter；〃　i　said；　you　dont　have　to　worry　about　me。　ive　learned　not　to　blab　everything　i　hear。　i　never　repeat　what　you　tell　me。”

he　was　glad　to　hear　that。　i　also　told　him　what　terrible　gossips　we　are；　and　said；　〃margots　quite　right；　of　course；　when　she　says　im　not　being　honest；　because　as　much　as　i　want　to　stop　gossiping；　theres　nothing　i　like　better　than　discussing　mr。　dussel。”

〃its　good　that　you　admit　it；〃　he　said。　he　blushed；　and　his　sincere　pliment　almost　embarrassed　me　too。

then　we　talked　about　〃upstairs〃　and　〃downstairs〃　some　more。　peter　was　really　rather　surprised　to　hear　that　dont　like　his　parents。　〃peter；〃　i　said；　〃you　know　im　always　honest；　so　why　shouldnt　i　tell　you　this　as　well？　we　can　see　their　faults　too。”

i　added；　〃peter；　id　really　like　to　help　you。　will　you　let　me？　youre　caught　in　an　awkward　position；　and　i　know；　even　though　you　dont　say　anything；　that　it　upsets　you。”

〃oh；　your　help　is　always　wele！”

〃maybe　itd　be　better　for　you　to　talk　to　father。　you　can　tell　him　anything；　he　wont　pass　it　on。”

〃i　know；　hes　a　real　pal。”

〃you　like　him　a　lot；　dont　you？”

peter　nodded；　and　i　continued；　〃well；　he　likes　you　too；　you　know！”

he　looked　up　quickly　and　blushed。　it　was　really　touching　to　see　how　happy　these　few　words　made　him。

〃you　think　so？〃　he　asked。

〃yes；〃　i　said。　〃you　can　tell　from　the　little　things　he　lets　slip　now　and　then。”

then　mr。　van　daan　came　in　to　do　some　dictating。

peters　a　〃terrific　guy；〃　just　like　father！

yours；　anne　

m。　frank

friday；　march　3；1944

my　dearest　kitty；

when　i　looked　into　the　candle　tonight；　i　felt　calm　and　happy　again。　it　seems　grandma　is　in　that　candle；　and　its　grandma　who　watches　over　and　protects　me　and　makes　me　feel　happy　again。　but。　。　。　theres　someone　else　who　governs　all　my　moods　and　thats。　。

。　peter。　i　went　to　get　the　potatoes　today；　and　while　i　was　standing　on　the　stairway　with　my　pan　full；　he　asked；　〃what　did　you　do　during　the　lunch　break？”

i　sat　down　on　the　stairs；　and　we　began　to　talk。　the　potatoes　didnt　make　it　to　the　kitchen　until　five…fifteen　（an　hour　after　id　gone　to　get　them）。　peter　didnt　say　anything　more　about　his　parents；　we　just　talked　about　books　and　about　the　past。　oh；　he　gazes　at　me　with　such　warmth　in　his　eyes；　i　dont　think　it　will　take　much　for　me　to　fall　in　love　with　him。

he　brought　the　subject　up　this　evening。　i　went　to　his　room　after　peeling　potatoes　and　remarked　on　how　hot　it　was。　〃you　can　tell　the　temperature　by　looking　at　margot　and　me；　because　we　turn　white　when　its　cold　and　red　when　its　hot。〃　i　said。

〃in　love？〃　he　asked。

〃why　should　i　be　in　love？〃　it　was　a　pretty　silly　answer　（or；　rather；　question）。

〃why　not？〃　he　said；　and　then　it　was　time　for　dinner。

what　did　he　mean？　today　i　finally　managed　to　ask　him　whether　my　chatter　bothered　him。　all　he　said　was；　〃oh；　its　fine　with　me！〃　i　cant　tell　how　much　of　his　reply　was　due　to　shyness。

kitty；　i　sound　like　someone　whos　in　love　and　can　talk　about　nothing　but　her　dearest

darling。　and　peter　is　a　darling。　will　i　ever　be　able　to　tell　him　that？　only　if　he　thinks　the　same　of　me；　but　im　the　kind　of　person　you　have　to　treat　with　kid　gloves；　i　know　that　all　too　well。

and　he　likes　to　be　left　alone；　so　i　dont　know　how　much　he　likes　me。　in　any　case；　were　getting　to　know　each　other　a　little　better。　i　wish　we　dared　to　say　more。　but　who　knows；　maybe　that　time　will　e　sooner　than　i　think！

once　or　twice　a　day　he　gives　me　a　knowing　glance；　i　wink　back；　and　were　both　happy。　it　seems　crazy　to　talk　about　his　being　happy；　and　yet　i　have　the　overwhelming　feeling　he　thinks　the　same　way　i　do。

yours；　anne　

m。　frank

saturday；　march　4；　1944

dear　kitty；

this　is　the　first　saturday　in　months　that　hasnt　been　tiresome；　dreary　and　boring。　the　reason　is　peter。　this　morning　as　i　was　on　my　way　to　the　attic　to　hang　up　my　apron；　father　asked　whether　i　wanted　to　stay　and　practice　my　french；　and　i　said　yes。　we　spoke　french　together　for　a　while　and　i　explained　something　to　peter；　and　then　we　worked　on　our　english。　father　read　aloud　from　dickens；　and　i　was　in　seventh　heaven；　since　i　was　sitting　on　fathers　chair；　close　to　peter。

i　went　downstairs　at　quarter　to　eleven。　when　i　went　back　up　at　eleven…thirty；　peter　was　already　waiting　for　me　on　the　stairs。　we　talked　until　quarter　to　one。　whenever　i　leave　the　room；　for　example　after　a　meal；　and　peter　has　a　chance　and　no　one　else　can　hear；　he　says；　〃bye；　anne；　see　you　later。”

oh；　im　so　happy！　i　wonder　if　hes　going　to　fall　in　love　with　me　after　all？　in　any　case；　hes　a　nice　boy；　and　you　have　no　idea　how　good　it　is　to　talk　to　him！

mrs。　van　d。　thinks　its　all　right　for　me　to　talk　to　peter；　but　today　she　asked　me　teasingly；　〃can　i　trust　you　two　up　ther